I Have a Crush, But I’m in a Relationship—Is That Normal?

Okay, besties, let’s talk about something that might have you spiraling: catching feelings (or at least, a vibe) for someone who isn’t your partner. It happens to the best of us. One minute, you’re happily boo’d up, and the next, you’re giggling just a little too hard at your coworker’s joke. So, are you a terrible person? A walking red flag? Or just… human?

Spoiler alert: It’s totally normal. And no, it doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is doomed. Let’s break it down.

The Fictional Crush Dilemma: Simping Over Cartoons & Book Baes

If you’ve ever side-eyed your partner because they don’t have the same brooding energy as your favorite book boyfriend, same. Fictional crushes are literally the safest form of infatuation because, well, they aren’t real.

Psychologist Dr. Molly Burrets says that crushing on a fictional character is just a form of escapism. Translation? You’re totally fine as long as you’re not out here wishing your S.O. would turn into Kaz Brekker overnight. Let’s be real—our real-life baes don’t stand a chance against animated men with perfect jawlines.

The Celebrity Crush Conundrum: Sorry, But Dev Patel Is Mine

Crushing on celebs? Literally everyone does it. I mean, have you seen Idris Elba?

Dr. Burrets says this one is still in the safe zone because, let’s face it, the chances of actually ending up with Timothée Chalamet are not in your favor. However, it can get messy if you’re constantly comparing your partner to your celeb crush (“Ugh, why can’t you look at me like Pedro Pascal looks at everything?”). As long as it’s all fun and not interfering with your actual relationship, you’re good.

The Real-Life Crush Situation: Uh-Oh, Bestie

This is where things get dicey. Because unlike your book boyfriend or that Hollywood zaddy, this person actually exists—and you see them. Maybe it’s the barista who knows your coffee order or a work bestie who suddenly seems way too charming. Either way, it’s time to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Dr. Burrets says feeling attraction is normal, but acting on it? Not so much. If you’re going out of your way to spend more time with this person, sending flirty texts, or catching yourself thinking about them a lot, it’s time for a little self-reflection.

So… What Now?

If you’re having a crush moment, don’t panic. Here’s the game plan:

Acknowledge it. You don’t have to gaslight yourself into thinking you don’t have a crush. It’s normal.
Check your behavior. Harmless admiration is one thing. Emotional cheating is another. Know the difference.
Communicate if needed. If your feelings are starting to make you rethink your relationship, it might be time for a heart-to-heart with your partner.

And if your partner freaks out because you said Henry Cavill is hot? That might be a them problem. Dr. Burrets says that extreme jealousy or controlling behavior is a red flag.

At the end of the day, relationships aren’t about pretending other people don’t exist—they’re about choosing your partner every day, even when Chris Evans walks into the chat.

So, crush away (responsibly), and remember: the only real red flag is if you start comparing your partner to a literal cartoon.